November 11, 2010 § Leave a comment
My feelings of inadequacy like to creep up in pretty much any facet of my life. I feel inadequate as a student, an employee, even as a girlfriend. Sometimes I wonder if because my mom homeschooled me I missed out on important classes like, How to Take Notes Instead of Texting in Class, or Why You Should Want to Work More Instead of Giving Everyone Your Shifts, and also How to Not Zone Out When Your Boyfriend is Telling a Really Long Story About Baseball. Because everyone seems to have mastered these techniques except me.
I definitely become even more self-deprecating when I compare myself to others. You know, those people that can work two jobs and take 17 credit hours, and have two boyfriends (true story). I only focus on how I should be able to work more/get better grades in school/be a more fun girlfriend. For some reason, I tend to create an imaginary measuring tape for myself. It measures more than just how fat those Hershey’s Kisses in my cupboard have been making me. In my mind, it measures my worth. I start to think that I really suck at life.
Clearly, this is just another case of me focusing on the negatives. I know, realistically, that I am not the worst girlfriend/employee/student in the world. Not even close.
- I know I make my boyfriend happy (Sometimes by baking delicious Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins). I also know that my being happy makes him happy.
- Working 18 hours a week provides me with enough cash flow, and also enough free time. So what if people work more than I do? This is enough for me.
- I can be a good student if I put my mind to it. Those sloppy papers that I wrote last minute do not reflect my best writing, therefore I shouldn’t be upset about the poor grade.
So instead of wallowing in my cycle of self-pity next time, I’m just going to focus on what I do well. It’s usually more than I think.